Violence.

How's this for violence: pigsa sa pwet.

Hilarity/oddity of paradigm struck me on Monday while writhing/writing introduction for poem sequence due that day. Because am feeling lazy, will post excerpt instead of explain:

There are two (equally violent) geographies navigated by the persona in Crawlspace. More blatantly vicious, although not less problematic, is the physical city, specifically Manila, beset by manmade and natural catastrophes and practically uninhabitable. Intersecting with the terrain of the city, its exploding buses, flood-prone streets, and indiscriminate apathy toward the self, is the brutality, potentially and nearly always, of love.

And so the sequence asks: how does one find love in this city, and how does one find solace in that love? How does one live in this city, and how does one love against this backdrop? There is a deliberate attempt to collide the two, as the dual paradigms typically inform how one lives – and loves – in Manila, this throbbing city of great energy and contradictions.

What, really, can be more violent than something that makes the mere act of sitting a terrible agony? Any movement an agony. A roadbump while inside a crowded jeep an agony. There was point while writing (v. brief) essay when thought, Fuck it, theory is useless in face of immense pain (hmm, interesting SP Lopez-style thought).

Thinking about it, not sure where pigsa sa pwet fits in whole city-self dichotomy. Surely, since it occurs on the body, it should be part of self, but then, is also result of bacteria-laden surroundings, and therefore, on epidemiological level, can fall on city. Then again, self is product of city, and vice-versa, so whole thing is moot, and this paragraph is useless tautology.

Got to whole groove of thinking of "project" (as in for MA Thesis, and self) on Monday as met up with T and E in school after submission. Poem sequence (about city and self) was last requirement for sem. Other two were about, for fiction, reconfiguration of city and self post-US hegemony and, for nonfiction, violence of Cubao and violence of Coke/colonization. Realized, then, am quite thankful that have got project figured out as early as now. Will perhaps rethink it over next two years, but am sure it will include these, well, concerns. Will most likely include class component. Or maybe gender.

Good news is, pigsa is now all but gone. Whole family was up in arms over it (to protect the kids, etc), but is v. supportive, too (to what lengths is too gross to discuss). At least can now sprightly jump and bump shoes in mid-air on Sunday, when will leave for Cagayan de Oro, knowing that an amazing lady will be waiting for me at the airport.