Consumptions.

Barrage of issues going pip pip successfully drowned not by alcohol but by long, sobering talks and foray into bowels of Manila, a journey that included, among others, (1) getting squished in the LRT, (2) seeing Nanette Inventor in Wai Ying, and (3) walking around Carriedo at night and shouting "Quiapo? Quiapo?" to bewildered jeepney drivers who grimaced as their way of saying "Quiapo is two minutes away by foot, you morons," as it indeed was. ANYWAY:

• Halfway through A Visit from the Goon Squad (Egan). Why you so good, Jenny? Why? Ha? Why? OK.
• Chanced upon The Shape of Things last night. V. creepy twist at the end. Was reduced to drool-faced fool with jaw on floor blabbering "What the fuck? What the fuck?" repeatedly like parrot. Was surprised to find negative reviews online as mind was completely blown to smithereens in the aftermath, mind racing with ideas about nature of art, perception of reality, Paul Rudd, or similar.
• Was eating hopia from Salazar's while watching/reading.
• Wonder if it's fair to compare workshop classes to Silliman (or even Ateneo). Obviously, one teacher plus other grad students can't compare to several panelists and other fellows. Just expected discussions to be more comprehensive, in-depth, and, well, longer than 30 minutes or so. There were, on that topic, a lot of points I wanted to raise, including a defense of my intention/project, but there is nothing more depressing than a writer trying to defend his piece/convince others it didn't suck as they thought it did. Gosh, will stop now.
• I mean seriously, you take it when Ricky de U. says the kind of story you want to tell "needs a more mature hand." He explains it exhaustively, in keen detail, and you take it. When your classmate tells you your story is "trite," you want to ask her, "EXCUSE ME? Can you recall a story that dealt with remotely the same thing? Ha?" Hahaha.
• Which is not to say the workshops are horrible and all-out manic and destructive. But I do not need to be told my story is "competitively written." I need comments on what I want to do. On what I can contribute. I am in grad school for workshops. I want to know where I stand in the big Philippine literary jungle. Sigh. Maybe should recalibrate expectations. Durr.

That's the big realization of late: managing expectations. In the rogue days when you fail, there are books and beautiful movies you chance upon.